Ecstasy of St. Gemma: 81-85
The Ecstasies of St. Gemma, a powerful testimony of faith
Ecstasy 81
She accuses herself of not loving Jesus, but says she has found a means to earn his Heart: putting nothing of him into him. She prefers the lily to the crown; she asks her heavenly Mother to always be at her side (Cf. P. GERM. n. VII).
Friday 31 January 1902.
O God!… Why, Jesus, do I have a heart for everyone except for you?… Your beautiful face, Jesus, so deformed, no longer moves me; those wounds all love, opened for my escape; that precious blood, shed for my sins, no longer softens me… Your mercy, Lord, is the great capital of all my hopes.
But why, Jesus, is all the good that I say I love you all consumed in words? My laziness says I love you; but he doesn’t really love you. The promptness of your grace is supreme; It’s me who’s missing the match.
But why, Jesus, this morning such distance of affection in such closeness of place? Do you know, Jesus, this morning that I found something to get you? In putting myself in my nothingness. But why must it be so difficult for a creature, born of mud, to humiliate himself?…
Is it possible, Jesus, that vainglory is appearing in my soul? One who has sinned, and I am so poor in virtue! Or what will become of me, who combines so much lowness of virtue and so much loftiness of pretensions?
O Jesus, which would you like more, the lily or the crown? I would like the lily more. What a beauty to render to God what is God’s!
O Mother, Mother, why are you no longer at my side, as my good Angel did? How much less would I fear!…
Ecstasy 82
Pray to Jesus that He will never abandon you; the sight of his sins would move her to desperation, but with Jesus she will become strong. He wishes to amend himself; he asks for a place in the Heart of Jesus; she would like to be the sphere of his flames (Cf. P. GERM. n.
Wednesday 12 February 1902.
Open up, open up, Jesus; this morning make room for me, really make room for me… Where is the fire of Jesus?… If I desire you, Jesus, don’t leave me; if I look for you, don’t abandon me; stay with me always, oh Lord.
But I will have to account for all the offenses; I see myself in desperation… But I see, Jesus, that in the morning you give yourself to me with so much affection… With you, Jesus, I will become strong.
But how good you are, Jesus! You use full days; because my senses, Jesus, are not all occupied with you, because my spirit… I want to ask you something, Jesus: are you happy that in the morning you crowd me with the baddest and that through the good you also amend me I? .
For the merits only of the good I desire, I desire to amend myself; because it is impossible that a God who is all fire wants to accept me… Is it possible that light wants darkness? No, I don’t open my heart anymore.
Make room for me, make room for me… I would like to be, Jesus, the sphere of your flames.
Ecstasy 83
She feels herself burning with love, but asks for new flames, which will destroy her sins and dispel her lukewarmness. She cannot understand how Jesus, so glorious in heaven, comes to hide in her heart. She invites the Angels to applaud the love of Jesus (Cf. P. GERM. N.
Friday 14 February [1902].
My comfort!… You burn, Lord, and I burn… Oh pain, oh supremely happy love! Lord, increase your grace… purify… Who are you, Lord? You are a flame, and you would like my heart to be changed into a flame.
Oh!… I have found the fire that destroys all sins; I found the ardor that dispels all my lukewarmness; I found it the flame that destroys all my passions.
O Mother, O Mother, will there be a refuge for me?… Two things, Jesus, I feel infinite sweetness within me: in love, Jesus, it is you who delights my soul, and in pain it is I what a delight your soul… If I cannot love you as much as I want, to love you as much as I can I will welcome you into myself.
O my Mama, you tell Jesus; tell him that I believe in his infinite merits, and apply it all to wash away my sins. I cannot understand why [you who] are so glorious in the sky, come and hide in my heart.
Let a flame, a single flame descend into my heart to burn my sins. O Jesus, just for a moment let me taste your Paradise. O Angels, Angels, I cannot do anything… Applaud the love of Jesus! Behold, Jesus, I surrender to your holy love…
Or who are you, Lord, that makes me so happy?…
Ecstasy 84
He offers the heart of Father Germano to Jesus.
Friday 21 February [1902].
Mrs. Cecilia writes: Gemma in ecstasy I felt that she offered his heart with that of her good father to God, and said: My father’s is good, put it in your heart, O Jesus; mine which is bad, put it under your feet; my father’s is pure, crown him with glory; mine because he’s bad, shoot him.
And then many other things on this subject.
Ecstasy 85
She is dismayed at the thought that the more Jesus’ affection for her grows, the more her obligation to gratitude grows. Question love for her insensitive heart (Cf. P. GERM. N. X).
Wednesday 19 March 1902.
Or don’t you see, Jesus, that the more I stay, the more I am dismayed, Jesus? because the more I see the increase in your affection, the more I see that the obligation to be grateful to you grows in me. How do you, Jesus, tolerate this insensitive heart of mine?
Yes, it’s all my fault. I need one thing, Jesus: I need love, but your love; give it to me, and you will see that I will no longer have to ask you. It’s true that someone who has offended you doesn’t deserve love…
Yes, you have to give it to me, yes; because I feel like you [want it] too. Yes, I ask you with all my heart.