Ecstasy of St. Gemma: 131-135
The Ecstasies of St. Gemma, a powerful testimony of faith
Ecstasy 131
Call upon Jesus; having no more to give him, he offers him life again; longs for the moment of Communion (Cf. P. GERM. nn. XIX and XXXII).
Tuesday 14 October 1902, around 8 pm.
O my God, O Jesus, come with me, life, to revive me; come with me, humble, to humiliate me. My Jesus, are you asking me what I want? Life, life to revive me.
Oh my God, what do I have to give you, when I have nothing? Look at me, look at me: here I am. Look at me from top to bottom: I have nothing, I’m all ruined, I really have nothing to give you. Enlighten me, if you want me to give you.
Ah! now it comes to mind. This life that you gave me and preserved with such strength of love, I sacrifice this life to you.
Well, O Lord, I have nothing else to give you… I have always known you as a discreet Lord, as a benign Lord; therefore you cannot expect more from me than I can. So forgive me, if I can’t give you that…
Poor Jesus! What will we do, O Jesus, what will we do tomorrow morning?…
Ecstasy 132
He anxiously searches for Jesus, who appears to be hiding and moving away (Cf. P. GERM. n. XXIV).
Tuesday 28 October 1902, around 7 pm.
My Jesus!… O Jesus, can we be divided like this? Don’t you know and don’t you see that I can’t take it anymore?… And you?…
O Jesus, I do not desire, I do not seek anything but you, and you flee from me?… Here I am, I am ready for anything, and yet this is not enough for you? Are you still running away from me?… Yet I feel I love you…
But at least you show that you’re running away from me.
I would like, I would like… but I am too weak… O Jesus, how many things I would like from you!… I would like not to see you, but to speak to you; I would like to tell you, O Jesus, do you know?… May you give me strength… strength to do your will.
Ecstasy 133
He loves and praises Jesus, but begs him to make up for what is missing in his love and praise. It is sweet for her to live by faith: faith is enough for her (Cf. P. GERM. nn. IV and XXIV).
Wednesday 29 October 1902, 9½ pm.
Dear Jesus, dear God! Ah, these days how little I love you! But make me love you much more… Jesus, I love you; you make up for me what my love lacks. Good Jesus, I bless you; but make up for what is missing for me… Good Jesus, I praise you today for tomorrow; you make up for me what is lacking in my praise. I will offer you to God your Father tonight… Offer Him, O Jesus, the love of your heart…
And is that enough for you?… And I call you, O Jesus, and I invoke you every moment, only with faith. And with what faith?… With that which you have given me, perhaps, O Jesus, for the health of my soul and for all your goodness.
It is sweet for me, you know, O Jesus, to live by faith… Perhaps you will find me colder; but my soul also receives special help: I feel it… Faith is enough for me, O Jesus: I live well with faith.
Ecstasy 134
Ask Jesus to continue protecting her, her ungrateful daughter, and grant her a good death (Cf. P. GERM. N. XIX).
Thursday 30 October 1902, in the evening.
… May that moment never come, as long as I live, that I am unaware of so many graces… To this ungrateful daughter, continue, O Lord, your protection…
I would like another grace, O Jesus: to be ascribed…. You know it well.
But, O Lord, do not deny me your help to obtain one last grace. I don’t know, O Lord, what your divine will is, nevertheless I ask you to have a good death… What would so many graces obtained from you do to me if I didn’t obtain this one?
Ecstasy 135
Tested with temptations from the devil and with aridity of spirit, she humbly turns to Jesus, begging him not to abandon her and to return as before her (Cf. P. GERM. N. XXII).
Friday 31 October 1902.
… Wait, wait, O Jesus, for the opportune moment…
I accept everything that comes from my God, that my God sends me. Lord, if it were your will to free me… but your will be done, never mine…
But the devil, oh Lord, tries my strength, and you don’t come with me? What will I do without you?… What will I do without you?… What will I do if you miss me?… I break down, I tremble, I cry, if I think that you will miss me . Have mercy on me, oh Lord! I am alone, have mercy on me!… I call you many times a day; I’m always looking for you… but where are you hiding?
And what is this life that you gave me worth to me, if it would help me to lose you? Oh my God, what will I do? Am I no longer, O Jesus, your loving prey? And whose prey will I be… whose?… Don’t allow it, oh Lord, don’t allow it. If it is your will, allow me to free myself… Lord, if it is your will… But then I don’t ask you how… .
Oh! I wait, I wait for the moment, O Lord, to find myself with you, close to you; then make me renounce all of myself, and then make a thousand protests… O Jesus, how many times have I offended you! How many times have you come into this heart…! You are right not to want to go back there again. If only you had always kept it pure, eh?…
Don’t say those sweet words to me anymore, you’d make me die… Now I’m not used to them for a long time, and if you resent them…
. . .
Without telling me neither a yes, nor a no, nor a word of approval, nor of reproach? And what will we do, O Jesus, in the world? O Jesus, where are you leaving me?… I am tired from morning to evening; and you who said: “You are ungrateful to me, but you are still dear to me”; and now?… Come back, come back as before; I promise you everything, everything you want.
How late? Am I late, or are you late? And you leave me like this? And we leave each other like this, without even a word? Aren’t you happy?… I let you do whatever you want, and yet… If it is your will, free me, free me…