Ecstasy of St. Gemma: 136-141
The Ecstasies of St. Gemma, a powerful testimony of faith
Ecstasy 136
She asks Jesus, who always hides from her, for mercy and forgiveness (Cf. P. GERM. n. XXIV).
Sunday 9 November 1902, in the morning.
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God!… My Jesus!…
Or what do I want, oh Lord? I am looking for you to ask you for mercy and mercy. What do you lose, O Lord, when you have forgiven me all my sins?…
Oh my God… oh my God… I’m looking for you, I’m calling you… but what about you?…
Ecstasy 137
In the grave pains he suffers, he says he deserves even worse; he willingly accepts them in suffrage of the souls in purgatory. She asks thanks to Jesus and the heavenly Mother, particularly to become holy and soon saintly. She would like to be sure that she is in a state of grace; she longs for the moment of being entirely God’s (Cf. P. GERM. nn. XVI and XIV).
Tuesday 18 November 1902, 8½ am.
She’s about to get one of the usual insults; she says let her pray and then goes into ecstasy, and she begins:
I always come in search of you, O my God.
I deserve worse, but if you like it, free me; but then do your will. I want to do my duty, because I recognize you as my God. My God, I deserve worse, I deserve worse…
Don’t despise me so much, O Jesus; do not despise me;. you will see that with your help I will be able to do everything. I do what I can for my part, but your almighty help is needed…
It’s true, it’s true that I suffer these big [pains]; but don’t you leave me in peace for many days?… Then they take me back; but you suffered all your life, all the moments; not only at all hours, but at all moments… and me?…
All the suffering, the humiliations, the coughing, all in favor of the souls in purgatory, who suffer so much. And you, who are the beloved spouses of the divine Lamb, pray for me, who am always in danger.
I have many graces to ask of you, good Jesus… They are divided: half to you and half to my heavenly Mama. Wait, my Jesus, while I count them…
In everything I submit to your will; but then in the last one… you have to do that one at all costs, and quickly and quickly. Don’t you know that I have the order from the Confessor to become a saint quickly, and quickly quickly? And what if you don’t do it?… What if I find myself in a bit of sin?… Do I possess your grace?… Or don’t you hear, Jesus, that I’m talking to you? don’t you hear what I’m telling you?… Or why don’t you come and pay a visit to my interior? On the outside I don’t even care, but on the inside, on the inside!… Come, come; then I’ll take care of the rest… If only I were a little sure that I was in your grace, oh Lord!… When will I be able to say: I belong entirely to my God?… When will I be able to, oh Jesus?…
Ecstasy 138
In a moment of peace and sweetness she thanks and blesses the Lord, but is ready to remain deprived of all pleasures and consolations in order to do the will of God (Cf. P. GERM. N. XII).
[Thursday] November 20 [1902], about 8 pm
… Where are you leaving me, O Jesus? Alone alone in this world that I could call a dark land?
I thank you, O Jesus, who made me experience these sweetnesses; but also ready to remain without it forever, forever.
I am not just talking about this, O Jesus, but about all the tastes and satisfactions that I can have in this time of life.
My God! My Jesus!… Shouldn’t I be happy that you beat me with the rod of your own children? And no, I’m not happy.
I thank you, O Lord, for these moments of peace, and I thank you, but I am ready to give them up if you want. I would like in these moments to praise you and praise you worthily; but what is that creature that can worthily praise you?… It would take a pure spirit, but where is that creature that was conceived pure?… I leave it to the Angels and to all the spirits of heaven [who] in thousands and thousands of praises give you. Well, for all these moments of peace that you give me, may the Angels and Saints praise you for me.
My most worthy, most wise God… I want to praise you, love you, glorify you in spite of our enemy and in glory of your infinite majesty.
My Jesus!… Tell me, oh my God, before leaving me, what is the most beautiful ornament that can make me worthy of your daughter?
Ecstasy 139
He implores divine help to defeat the devil (Cf. P. GERM. n. XIII).
Saturday 29 November 1902, 8½ am.
O my God, help me! Don’t allow that ugly enemy any more. Or, if you want to let him, give me a little more strength, because otherwise…
Ecstasy 140
Pray to the Most Holy Mary to make her good and chaste (Cf. R. GERM. n. III).
Saturday 3 January 1903, around 6 pm.
Mama, my Mama, make me good; Mama, Mamma mia, make me chaste. This is the thing I want so much, and need so much…
Ecstasy 141
What gives it life is the thought of receiving Jesus in Holy Communion. Ask for perseverance and a good death to possess Jesus eternally (Cf. P. GERM. nn. XIX and XXXIII).
Monday 12 January 1903, 6¼ o’clock [in the evening].
First I would like you in my heart, O Jesus, and to love you; then seeing you, possessing you forever. Infinite God… how can you show such liberal mercy to me? Do you know what gives me life?… The thought of receiving you in the SS. Communion.
I would like to receive you, I would like to see you… no: I would like to possess you forever… I would like, oh my God, many thanks… I would like your love.
You ask me for love, and I can’t give it to you if you don’t give it to me. I would like, O Jesus, a little perseverance; I would like a good death, and then… Heaven. That’s it for me.
But what is it that I feel?… I cannot, my true God, abandon myself to this sweetness. What is this, my God, what I feel?…