Ecstasy of St. Gemma: 116-120
The Ecstasies of St. Gemma, a powerful testimony of faith
Ecstasy 116
He is confused at the thought of the goodness and abasement of Jesus in becoming food for his soul; he begs him either to place a limit on his gifts or to give her the grace to correspond (Cf. P. GERM. n. XX).
Saturday 9 August 1902, approximately 10 am.
Dear Jesus!… When I, O Lord, see good souls coming to enjoy the delights of your Paradise in Communion, I am moved; but when you accept bad souls like me, then…:
O Lord, you come to me all love, and I come to you like a sinner, and I am so lazy. O Lord, let me tell you… perhaps you lower things too much in giving them to me… or you want a total mutation in my life… Or what will I do to meet your genius? Do you want me, O Lord, to change your crown of thorns into a crown of lilies?…
To whom should I turn?… To all your Saints?,… But if I pay you with the merit of others, my debt always remains active… I am always aware of the many benefits you give me… I am sinner… a soul so provided for by you!…
Stop your gifts; if not, give me grace to be able to gratify them all. Hear me, O Lord; if not, set a limit to your generosity…
Ecstasy 117
He ardently desires the bread of life (Cf. P. GERM. n. XX).
Saturday 9 August 1902, 11½ am.
… In the sacramental Word open to me …
Rather than remain deprived of the bread of life… A passionate lover, O Lord, does not need so many supplications: at the first question he immediately understands…
Ecstasy 118
Remembering the martyrdom of St. Lawrence, she feels ashamed of herself. She does not dare offer her soul to Jesus, because it is deformed by sin; Instead, Jesus repeats to her that he finds her pleasure in her (Cf. P. GERM. N. XIX).
Sunday 10 August 1902 (the feast of S. Lorenzo),
9 am about.
I have understood your subtleties, my Creator. All that remains for me is to humiliate my soul before your majesty, which I intend to do at this moment.
But, dear Jesus, what confusion this morning!… You wanted me to turn my mind towards St. Lawrence, oh Lord; but what have you done?… To such a beloved disciple of yours, always in the midst of suffering. and I with an ungrateful heart… I get confused, because considering him in the midst of pain and I in the Host enjoying the sweetness of Paradise. O Heart of my Jesus, Heart too sweet! If you want to do a good part of it for me, [keeping me] always like this [among the pain], O Lord, do it; if you want me to enjoy greater benefits, do so: as long as I always come to you with the fear of offending you.
I put together two souls: that of a Saint and that of a sinner… Could I not find myself so confused? I wanted to offer it [this soul of mine] to you through the same Saint, because if I didn’t do it, I believed I was failing in my duty; I’m scared, I’m scared, because I know she’s guilty in front of you. I would like to make you see it as beautiful as your hands gave it to me… Impossible!… I can’t anymore!… Look, it’s all surrounded by chains, and when you gave it to me, it was surrounded by roses… When You gave it to me, it was shining like the sun, and now? See how she is all deformed… Ouch!… she deserves..
Or what were you saying about me?…
Dear Jesus, dear Jesus!… But is it you who tells me this?… Is it you?…
Tell me again… let me hear it more clearly…
Tell me again… again… again… one more time… .
May you be blessed!…
And this morning you found in me…
Ecstasy 119
The love of Jesus makes her burst into lively acts of love (Cf. P. GERM. n. IV).
Sunday 10 August 1902, 10 am. about.
… My Jesus!… Yes, my Jesus… my affectionate Lord!… It is that Jesus who keeps me bound with such strength of love… that Jesus who loves me. He is the only one who feels pity for my miseries… It is the true Jesus… You see, my God: if you gave so many graces, so many gifts, so many favors to a soul who could compensate you with a good capital of virtue , many of your benefits would be paid; but if you give them as to me, only out of your mercy…
No, you do not do badly, oh Lord: what you do is done well… But at least give me the grace to be able to gratify you…
But I love you too… I don’t love you just for your gifts, right! I love you, because you are my Jesus… I love you. because you are the only one worthy of being loved by me… I love you, because you are good… I love you, because you promised me, you swore to me not to abandon me… I love you for all purposes, oh Gentleman…
Ecstasy 120
From the ardor of divine charity one feels consumed and faint: what a beautiful death, to die a victim of love for Jesus! He can’t bear to see the one who loves him so much suffer; his shoulders will take over from the cross of Jesus (Cf. P. GERM. n. IV).
Monday 11 August 1902, 9 am. about.
O love, o infinite love!… Either strip me of this flesh, or take me out of this body, or stop; because I can no longer… My body, O Lord, can no longer bear this continuous yearning; so either take me away from the world or stop…
O love, o infinite love!… I will never, never dispossess myself of your love!… O love!… O delight of love… O love, which delights me so much… which never torments!… O love, O love of Jesus… I will never give you up to anyone!… This little bit of love that I possess, I will not give up even to the Saints in heaven, not even to the creatures [of the earth] . To you, Saints of heaven, to you, creatures, all the virtues, but this little love is mine. I don’t want anyone to advance me in the love of Jesus.
O love, o infinite love!… See: your love, O Lord, penetrates me too vehemently into my body. When, when will I unite with you, O Lord, who with so much strength of love keeps me united here on earth?… Do it, do it!… Let me die, and die of love!… What beautiful death, oh Lord… to die a victim of your love… a victim for you!
Calm, calm, oh Jesus; otherwise, your love will end up incinerating me!… O love. oh infinite love!… Oh love of my Jesus!… Let your love penetrate me completely; I don’t want anything else from you. My God, my God, I love you. Maybe I love you too little, oh Jesus?… Aren’t you happy about it?…
But this has to come from you, if you want me to love you more. Indeed I should love you with a singular love.
Oh! I have told you many times, O Lord: if my life does not end in seeing someone who loves me so much suffer, or what other punishment do you want me to give her death?…
I told you that what you have suffered is enough, O Lord, for me and for sinners. Yes, enough!… my shoulders will take over from your cross!…