Ecstasy of St. Gemma: 71-75
The Ecstasies of St. Gemma, a powerful testimony of faith
Ecstasy 71
Feeling oppressed by the benefits of Jesus, she vents her love for him with him after Communion (Cf. P. GERM. N. IV). .
[Towards the end of December 1901].
My angel!… O Jesus, are you really all mine? I can’t like anything on earth. Leave, let my heart vent this morning: it feels oppressed by so many of your benefits… But why, my Jesus, am I always so imperfect? Tell me straight, you can’t be happy with me.
But will many of your visits give some excitement to my heart? O my Angel, help me, do not make me feel so idle in the midst of so many graces, you who have had so much patience in putting up with me.
Yes, I am happy, because I feel my heart beating with yours; I am happy because I possess you, Jesus.
Ecstasy 72
She regrets not loving Jesus enough and not having loved him in the past. Considering herself deserving of every kind of punishment, she begs for mercy; he wants everyone to know his misery; she longs to always suffer with Jesus (Cf. P. GERM. n. VIII).
Wednesday 8 January 1902.
Ah, Jesus!… why am I not all alight with love for you? Why doesn’t my heart melt away in loving flames? Why isn’t it a love that corresponds to your charity? O Jesus, how much time have I wasted! How many years could I love you so much, and I did nothing but despise you! But your kindness makes me hope to be able to make up for lost time.
How many sins, oh Jesus! Take away the burden: the large number disgusts me. I accept, Jesus, all the pains, all the afflictions that you will send me; I deserve so many more. It would be all mercy, Jesus, if you accumulated pains and afflictions; indeed, Jesus, if you want to add more… yes, Jesus, if you want to add more, I will always kiss your hand. You see, Jesus, this pain shakes all the fibers of my heart and forces me not to offend you anymore.
Hate! Jesus, take away everything that my malice puts in my mind, then accept the offer. Don’t abandon me, Jesus; look at my soul, think how much you worked to save it. Eternal Father, look at Jesus, have mercy on me. Here I am ready, ready for anything. Do you want him to live? I’m happy.
Go ahead, Jesus, let the whole world know me for the wretch that I am, and if you want to take away even the only support you have left me on earth, do it: I will always bless you; with you in my arms I want to live, with you I want to die…. No, I will never leave you again, my hope, my only hope! May this holy desire be fulfilled in me.
To protect my love, let me remember that the pain is due to me, and in your life I always see you filled with pain. Yes, Jesus, I want to always suffer with you. O Jesus, if it pleased your infinite mercy, I would like… .
Ecstasy 73
Jesus is his only support. If she feels so much consolation in calling him father, how much more will she enjoy being able to tell him that she loves her? (Cf. P. GERM. n. XII).
Thursday 9 January 1902.
Jesus on earth, Jesus in life and Jesus in heaven: this is all that sustains me. O Jesus, who could tell what passes in a heart all alight with love?… O Jesus, how much consolation the knowledge of possessing you gives me! If I feel so much consolation in the morning, when you call yourself father, or what will it be when I can call you my beloved? Yes, Jesus, console this poor daughter of yours and promised bride…
Ecstasy 74
Moved by the infinite goodness of Jesus towards her, she hates his ingratitude and asks for new flames of love (P. GERM. N. XII).
Tuesday 14 January 1902.
Come, come, Jesus; if you want to make me enjoy, tell me about your delights. How good you are, Jesus! Even though I’m so ungrateful to you, you still don’t feel like breaking it off with me. Oh, how patiently you put up with me! I realize, you know, Jesus, that you often suffer from my miseries. I can definitely say, Jesus, that your heart has not forgotten me. You have always followed me everywhere, even in the midst of many dissipations. And then you remember, Jesus, all the time I lost in vain dissipations, in vain thoughts: I always heard your voice, and I heard it, Jesus, when I least thought about it.
How good you are, Jesus, my Father! Let me tell you, Jesus, because no one hears me: why do you hide your beautiful eyes from me? But let’s make a pact: hide your eyes from me, but don’t deny me your friendship, because I would die; never deny me a single moment of being with you. How happy I am to have you as a father! Isn’t it true, Jesus, that I will always be your daughter? My Father, unique in beauty, true joy of every heart that loves you! What beautiful days you send me, Jesus!
O heart, my heart. why don’t you light it all up? why don’t you consume everything in the flames of Jesus? I love you so much, Jesus, and I want to love you always. You know, Jesus, why?… In the world I have never found a sincere love like yours, because your love is immense. To love you, Jesus, I love not loving others.
Quick, quick, Jesus, fill me with that Spirit who is all fire, and do not leave me, Jesus, if you have not first given me your paternal blessing, and together with the blessing, Jesus, give me strength.
Ecstasy 75
She considers herself unworthy of the love of Jesus, whom she reminds of the mercies shown to her. However, more than for the gifts received from him, she wants to love him for what she suffered on the cross, where she also seeks a place for herself (Cf. P. GERM. N. IV).
Friday 17 January 1902.
Where should I go to seek happiness, if not from Jesus, who has offered it to me several times? Don’t you think, Jesus, that my heart has softened a little? Who could have shown us a little love if not you?
O Jesus, you say you love me, but I say no, because you cannot love two different things: you love perfection and I am completely different.
O Jesus, do you think that my heart is a place convenient for you? Are you fine, are you happy?… Yes, Jesus, I am happy… O Jesus, when my heart will no longer be of the earth, it will be entirely of heaven, what glory for you! How the Angels will celebrate!
Did you perhaps hope, Jesus, that when you abandoned me, I would change?
But at intervals I came, but then I relapsed. Do you remember, Jesus, that time I was about to fall? You hit me with such force!… Chain me; I give you all that freedom, which I have abused for so many years. Do you remember, Jesus, when I came to you sometimes crying, sometimes with repentance, and sometimes almost with anger, and you, Jesus, were always the same with me?… The grace that, Jesus, you give me every morning, makes me it would seem impossible, but if I look at you, I see you infinite!
Eh, Jesus, why love you only for your gifts, and not love you for that cross?… O cross, make some room for me too next to Jesus!
But what a singularity of love you have chosen for me!… Quickly, Jesus, burn me, but with the same fire that burned you! .