Ecstasy of St. Gemma: 21-25
The Ecstasies of St. Gemma, a powerful testimony of faith
Ecstasy 21
Invite the Angels to adore the Passion of Jesus. How well one suffers close to the Heart of Jesus! He asks for love on the cross, because on the cross he learned to love Jesus (Cf. P. GERM. n. XXIX).
Holy Tuesday 10 April 1900.
O Passion of Jesus, I love you! Angels of heaven, come, come all: let us all adore the Passion of Jesus.
O Jesus, who was it that reduced you like this?
O Jesus, O Jesus, my head… [how much pain I feel there]! O Jesus, how you always find me… O God!… Jesus!… Today, Jesus, spend so much time with me. Tell me, Jesus: if I suffer, do I suffer for you? if I struggle, do I struggle for you?
Oh good! then yes,… well, suffer for Jesus! good, Jesus, to rest here near you… close to your heart how good it feels!
I would suffer so much for you! I can’t do more, Jesus; It’s not much to offer you just two hours: I would like to offer all the moments.
O holy Angels, come, everyone, to pity Jesus. Passion, Passion of Jesus!… We all adore the Passion of Jesus, everyone!
Oh how much blood! O cross, why do you always take revenge on Jesus? Above Jesus no longer; on top of me. O cross, near you I feel strong.
I continually ask you for love of the cross, Jesus, not of yours, but of the one that suits me to embrace. I love her, I love her so much… It is on the cross, Jesus, that I learned to love you.
Ecstasy 22
He would like to suffer more, but the Confessor does not allow him. She is ready for anything for the love of Jesus, happy to rest close to his divine Heart; she aspires to paradise (Cf. P. GERM. nn. XXIX and XVI).
Friday 20 April 1900-
O Jesus!… Enough tonight; nothing suffers near you, and then you allowed, Jesus…
Again, Jesus, I would like to suffer; but I can’t, because the Confessor doesn’t want it; but I suffer more this way.
He doesn’t want it, Jesus, because this morning I felt bad in church; after all, I would still have strength, Jesus: I would like to help you, I would like to suffer a lot for you. You, Jesus, to save my soul you spared neither life nor blood; but I too, Jesus, would like to give my life for you. Do you believe? At certain moments I would feel the strength of the martyrs; I would do everything you wanted. I will willingly die on the cross for you.
Now, Jesus, every Friday I look for you and I find you Always on the cross; but how? Almost dead. Or who was it, Jesus?
So, Jesus, has the love that you bring to my soul reached the point of doing this?
Jesus, why?… Yes, I love you so much; I’ve told you many times, and if I think of you, I don’t even work; and then you see, Jesus, everything that you sent me, I did everything. [the Confessor] allowed me everything; he asks me if it is Jesus, and I reply: It really is Jesus. Everything [that I ask of him] in your name, he allows me; do you want more from me, Jesus? Come on, tell me, because I’ll do everything. O Jesus, won’t you go beyond my strength? because you see!… Sometimes I’m tired; but how happy I am when I am close to you, and [can] rest next to your heart!
But I also desire one thing: quickly break this chain that keeps me in the world; If I were allowed, I would like to ask you to come with you. And then, to prevent everything, you hide something from me: tell me everything clearly. You see, Jesus, that I obeyed you yesterday and today; yet I did it [the sacrifice]. How happy I am!
But even you, Jesus, didn’t tell me everything. Tell me; I will tell everything to the Confessor. Jesus, if I weren’t made of flesh, I would stay calm, but…
O Jesus, your things have all happened in moments; only one remains, only one comfort, and then you took them all away from me: and you told me the last one for the last one, and it will be the last one I will miss.
O Jesus, don’t you remember these last words that you said to me that day: “You will miss even the last comfort of being able to cry”? But if you want to take it away from me even right away… You took something away from me that I never thought I would. That last one you took away from me, which is two or three days, you didn’t even mention it to me.
Jesus, my Jesus, but you make fun of me: you pretend to know nothing, and then you know everything. If you could come with me for a moment and you could see Annetta, you would see, you would see. You could see Annetta; do you understand me, Jesus?
No, no, Jesus, I did what you told me to do with her. O Jesus, here I see that there is your hand, which wants me more and more: your will be done.
Ecstasy 23
Always seeing Mary Most Holy at the foot of the cross, she feels more and more stimulated to love the cross; however, she would like her sufferings to be known only to Jesus (Cf. P. GERM. n. XXX).
Saturday 21st open 1900.
How compassionate you are to me, oh my Mama, to see you like this every Saturday at the foot of the cross! But do you know what the greatest pain is? That I can’t give you any comfort; indeed I feel the greatest pain, because I was the cause [of your pain]. My mother, how saddened you are! If these little sufferings of mine can be of comfort to you, accept them, my Mama, and tell Jesus to hide them in your heart… Oh yes! Jesus accepts them, he does not despise them… How saddened you are, my Mama! Or who was the cause of so much pain? It was me: I made that sword for you. With that same sword you wound me too… My mother, if these little sufferings of mine can be of any comfort to you, I offer them to you… Jesus does not despise them. But how painful you are on your face!
Take away, take away Jesus!… Take away Jesus, otherwise my Mama will die… I don’t know who will be the first: take him away, take him away!
I know, it’s such a strong pain that it can be called spasm. Oh! I [no longer] see just one victim, but there are two. And I alone have to remain so insensitive, Mama mia?
O how you know how to embrace that cross like this for me, and for all those souls who want to live without the cross! Oh my Mama! O my Jesus! If I see Jesus, he pushes me to love the cross, oh my Mama, but this cross…
No, I don’t reject it, because if I reject the cross, I also reject Jesus.
Yes, I always want to love her. Is it possible not to love her?
Is it possible not to love Jesus, who even if everyone abandons me, he will never abandon me? But I willingly suffer for him… Yes, everything…
But don’t you know why, my goodness, I cried? Or why now, my Mama, do you want to make me talk so much? but you also know that all the things that displease me, I would always like to keep in my heart.
But I know that no one will ever be able to tear them from your heart, but from the hearts of others. If you knew Jesus how much he reproaches me if I say these things, my Mama! Do you know why?
Or yes, because Jesus wants me to tell everything to the Confessor, and he also wants me to tell my aunt
But the Confessor also knows that if he forgets them, she doesn’t forget them.
Oh yes, Jesus is right! But she’s always right.
And now you asked me… Oh yes, I’ll tell you right away, Mamma mia! When I suffer, I wouldn’t want anyone other than Jesus to know… But what if this pain grows on me? I’m not asking you to make me go through it, not to make me grow up. Oh, when Jesus and I suffer alone, how well we suffer! That suffering that Jesus gives me seems to me to be a suffering full of consolations; but alone, when we are alone; but not at all like what happened on Thursday, Mama mia: I was suffering with Jesus, and three or four of them came to my room. The Confessor knows nothing about this; two things he doesn’t know: this and then… But I don’t tell him….
Ecstasy 24
Fearful of being deceived by the devil, she protests that she does not want visions, but only the forgiveness of her sins. She would like to bathe all those places where Jesus is outraged with her blood. The greatest gift she desires is to suffer with Jesus. Although the devil forbids it, she never tires of praying for sinners (Cf. P. GERM. Nos. XV and XXVIII).
Tuesday 24 April 1900.
O… God… Jesus, not for me, but I fear that the devil is deceiving me. I don’t want these visions, Jesus; I just want you to forgive me all my sins. Don’t let the devil deceive me.
But what should I believe in myself?
But how can I not be deceived, Jesus?
But have you loved me up to this point? You have done me many thanks, you have done me many favors; and what have I done to you?
O Jesus, what have you become? what happened to you, Jesus?… Oh! the holy person of Jesus has become the person of everyone’s entertainment; they blaspheme my Jesus, they bully my Jesus, they curse him, they hurt him so much. More. Jesus, it surprises me when I see you in humiliations, that I don’t want to hear about it… Or if I could, Jesus!… I would like with my blood… I would like with my blood, Jesus, to bathe all those places where I see you outraged.
How could love have so much on your heart?
Jesus, what are those bad guys doing to you? Jesus, don’t they get tired?… No more those blows on you, Jesus… You, Jesus, don’t deserve them, I do… you no more; yes to me… Jesus… You are well aware that when you want to give me a gift, you yourself throw thorns on my head. It is I who have sinned, you are innocent; I am the one who has committed many sins.
Jesus, my heart is afflicted, my soul can no longer bear it. O Jesus… don’t leave me too, Jesus… Jesus, now give me a little bit of strength; help me, because I have many things to tell you… I haven’t been with you since last night… O Jesus, if you knew how much I suffer when the Confessor wants to know… I hide many things, Jesus.
I would like to spend much longer, you know, Jesus, doing meditation with you, but I’m not allowed more than half an hour.
Do you really want to know, Jesus, what is the moment that I enjoy? When I’m in so much pain with you. Why didn’t you want me to feel your pain today? When you want to give me gifts, make me suffer… I ask you another thing: you who see the mind of the Confessor, can you know if he is happy… If you want and if you believe, Jesus… May it be done your holy will.
And tonight, Jesus, how much I called you, because I needed it so much!…
I’ll please you, Jesus… I’ll please you immediately; I repeat it to you, I have already told you: I enjoy when I suffer with you, and I suffer a lot when I have to tell everything to the Confessor… I don’t feel any other consolations… But now, please me, Jesus. It’s no longer time for [ you] suffer like this; Now it’s me, it’s my turn. Think of the poor sinners… Do you want to know, Jesus, who forbade me to think of sinners? The devil… Jesus, think of the poor sinners: I recommend them to you. Teach me to do many things, Jesus, to be able to save them.
O Jesus, do you see how many things I need? Make me yours, Jesus, all yours; crucify me once again, Jesus… make me yours… O Jesus, you reproach me: you are too just…
Ecstasy 25
Ask Jesus to calm the pain in her head a little; she is happy to suffer, but that no one sees her (Cf. P. GERM. n. VI).
Wednesday 25 April 1900.
O Jesus, calm the pain in my head a little… Jesus, calm it for me. Jesus… Jesus, bless me again. Your blessing does me too much good.
It’s too strong, Jesus… Jesus… I suffer a lot, yes… I suffered all day… I’m afraid, Jesus, today. Jesus… my boss! It’s too strong… I can’t take it anymore, I can’t take it anymore, Jesus… My Jesus, help me… Jesus, let no one notice anything… Oh God!… Oh Jesus, my boss!. .. O Jesus!…
But this is suffering… I am so happy, Jesus… Please, calm me down a little: I can’t anymore… I wouldn’t want anyone to see. I feel bad. Do it, Jesus, between you and me alone…
But if I didn’t come to you, I just couldn’t take it anymore. Jesus, now make me feel like this; don’t make it any more… Jesus, do you understand me? between you and me alone.