Ecstasy of St. Gemma: 121-125
The Ecstasies of St. Gemma, a powerful testimony of faith
Ecstasy 121
With the Guardian Angel he adores the SS. Trinity and she stops to talk about the immense love that Jesus brings her (Cf. P. GERM. N. XXV).
Tuesday 12 August 1902, 9 am.
It seemed that he was fighting with the devil: he wanted signs of the cross and holy water; instead he was the Angel! Perhaps he sees that the Angel kneels and says:
We adore and pray to Jesus… We adore the immense, immortal, infinite God. We adore the infinite Majesty of our God. Praise be to you, O Father, who saved us; to you, Son, who have redeemed us; to you, O Holy Spirit, who has sanctified us…
And what grace do you want me to ask of my Jesus, other than that which he gives me so willingly and which benefits me so much? … the increase of his holy love for him … O love, o infinite love of my Jesus …
Worship God with the Angel; it seems that he is addressing the Angel and that he is afraid that it is the devil: If you are sent by God, let me embrace you; if you are sent by the devil, come closer and I will spit in your face…
Does Jesus send you?… And what have I done to deserve so much?
Yes, I see Jesus who loves me and seems to be in love with me, but I know neither the purpose nor the cause why he does this. I feel that he has taken my heart; I feel that he has adorned me with his precious Blood, but I don’t even know the purpose of this…
He is the Lord, he is the master… let him do everything.
But how do I do it?…
No, I don’t want… I don’t want to prefer my will to that of Jesus.
Yes, I truly have the desire, but what if Jesus doesn’t want it?…
Yes, to sustain, to tolerate just a little food, just.
I can’t, because my stomach doesn’t want it.
No, don’t touch me, because my dad doesn’t want anyone to touch me…
Yet you have the appearance of a man!… No, I don’t want you to touch me! Just say one word and I believe it.
Will it then conform to what Jesus wants?….
Blessed be you in whatever way you deal, my Jesus, O infinite love! I will never dispossess myself of your love; I will never give it up to anyone. Oh love, oh love. infinite!…
Angel… Angel!… My Jesus loves me, is it true?…
I love him too… Tell him I thank him for what he does for me…
I see you… I see you… Don’t leave me!… If you love me, don’t leave me… don’t leave me… don’t leave me!…
Goodbye, goodbye, yes! In heaven!… .
Ecstasy 122
She fears communicating badly and asks Jesus to reassure her (Cf. P. GERM. N. XX).
Friday 15 August 1902, 9 am. about.
… Do I perhaps communicate well, or do I steal your particles from many souls?… Or do I perhaps communicate badly, and then I don’t cry, I don’t get confused and I don’t even think about it?… Take this burden off me, assure me of my Communion… assure me…
To whom must I turn?… Don’t you see the deplorable state I am reduced to?… My hope is too weak… Don’t you see, O Lord? After being favored by you with so many of your gifts…
My angel, guard me… By now you have already returned to Heaven… Use your effective words towards Jesus, come to my aid often, you…
Ecstasy 123
He cannot understand how all souls do not love Jesus, after receiving him even once in Holy Communion. However, turning his gaze to his soul, he is ashamed of such coldness and ingratitude (Cf. P. GERM. N. XX).
Friday 15 August 1902, 10 am. about:
O God, purify me, purify me with your benefits… light me with the fire of your ardor… I… I love you, I adore you, I bend to you, I submit to you.
But is it possible that all creatures, all souls do not love you, after having received you even just once?… Is it possible that they do not love you, when they have seen you where you are?…
O my soul, my soul… you say a lot, it’s true, but reflect a little on yourself: the frequency of Communion… the union with the angelic bread, has not conferred in your interior what it has conferred to many souls… You receive Communion, it is true, but where are the fruits? You may not know why; but I feel that your Jesus, who is with you in this moment, is telling you… The merit with which you approach him is too little;… the perseverance is too little… And then, when you approach Jesus, how do you approach it?… You communicate, it is true, with his person, but with the inclination to sin… Don’t you see that every morning he shows you his open veins, so that you can lap rivers of bliss? And what about you…! He approaches you with his lips… and you with your filthy ones…!
I thank you, O Lord, that this morning you gave me light to know my iniquities. I promise you to renounce everything that is not your will, all those works that do not have your heart as their center and your divine will as their end.
Ecstasy 124
He is distressed when he considers how unworthy his heart is of receiving Jesus every morning (Cf. P. GERM. N. V).
Monday 18 August 1902, 9 am. about.
O God… My God!… Don’t be disdainful if I come in the morning just as I am. You see: my soul is full of sins, or to put it better, it is a house full of all sorts of beasts. And you, lily of purity, source of beauty, how do you live in such confusion?… You feed me and support me, and what nourishment do I give you?… You feed yourself among the lilies, but in my heart these flowers are not there… And what do you find there?… Tell me… Thorns!… Yet, O Lord, in my soul there is not a part that is more pure… The enemy, you see, the devil deprived me of everything. And what seat shall I give you, O Lord, in my heart?… Your bed is of ebony wood, your pillars are of gold, your steps are covered with purple; but in my heart these colors are not there.
I’m scared, I’m scared! Too much, too much do I throw myself into the arms of my heavenly Spouse, in this state… I know my unworthiness too much; but I also know your mercy…
On this day, O Lord, what food shall I give you?… Ask me… ask me, and then come back!…
Ecstasy 125
She reflects that with any preparation she will never be worthy of receiving communion, and then repeats: it is better to receive Jesus than to look at him. She finds it sweet to confess her sins before Jesus; she begs him to communicate to her his clarity and her divine ardors, and she proposes to always love him (Cf. P. GERM. n. XVIII).
Monday 18 August, 10am. about.
Jesus… give me some strength… Dear Jesus!…
Is it better to receive you than to look at you? It’s better really… yes, yes!…
I am afflicted, O Lord, because I think… that even if I prepared myself for years and years like the Angels, I would never be worthy of receiving you… And then, you see, I am so badly disposed!…
Or then tell me: what is the bed… that rests so well in my heart?
But is there this peace in my heart? Is there this tranquility in my soul?…
No, I don’t want insurance, I want to live in your holy fear.
Another thing that afflicts me… Do you remember, oh Lord? there was a time when I had completely forgotten your infinite beauty, and I preferred the dust of the earth.
O Jesus, answer my questions… It is sweet for me to confess my miseries before you. You know them better than me; you also know that I have satisfied my eyes in every way, and that I have never deprived my heart of anything… Help me, oh Lord!… May I still throw myself at your feet!.. I still love faith, and I repeat a thousand times and will always repeat: Better to receive you than to look at you… But tell me, O Lord, with what food must I feed you?… Communicate to me your clarity, communicate to me your divine ardor… O my God, how will I respond to you? By dint of love? … he would love you with faithful love, with real love …
Do you remember, oh Lord, that time you told me that in my heart there was a mix of affections that you didn’t like?…
I find myself more timid in the affairs of my loved ones. Oh my Jesus, oh my Jesus!… How worthy would you be of being loved!… Oh, what reason do the Angels have in never being satisfied with singing that beautiful hymn to you!… That’s what I should do, and I all creatures should do; Instead…
I will love you, I will always love you: and when the day dawns, when night falls in the evening, and at all hours, at all moments, I will always love you, always, always…