Ecstasy of St. Gemma: 1-5
The Ecstasies of St. Gemma, a powerful testimony of faith
Ecstasy 1
She calls Jesus the flame of her heart, but would like to love him more and more. In Jesus’ Passion she sees the work of love, and therefore longs ardently to suffer and die for him (Cf. Fr. GERM. nos. XXV and VI).
Tuesday, September 5, 1899.
Thou art the only love of all creatures. You, Jesus… the flame of my heart. My Jesus, I would love you with all [my soul]…. All saints of heaven, lend me your heart.Jesus, O Jesus, but will I be faithful to give you my whole heart? I give it to you, but give it wider. If I had many hearts, Jesus, and big big ones, I would love you alone…. And you love me so much. I would love you so much, Jesus. But like this who has reduced you? Who killed you?
Send me to suffer; then I can say I know how to love you. A drop of your blood put it on my heart; then you will see that I love you so much for your sake; and then, Jesus, you must let me read in your heart the.
Love itself has killed you! Jesus, let me also die of love…. It would be a torment of life: there is no person in the world who can console my affections but you. The thorns, the cross, the nails, everything is the work of love.
Is that the way to love?… Jesus, I have learned. I will sacrifice everything for you; but I will be faithful to you.
What a beautiful gift you gave me Jesus!… Enough, Jesus, I have seen you. That there is the gift you prepare for your souls…. I will gladly take it, Jesus, [the cross]. Thy will be done, not mine!
Ecstasy 2
Today the three hours of agony he will do for all sinners and for one in particular (Cf. Fr. GERM. No. XV).
Friday, September 8 [1899], 10 o’clock.
Do you know, Jesus, I am doing the three hours with you today, that you may save all sinners; for they are very dear to me. You know, Jesus, which one is closest to my heart: you must tell me today, I want to know if he is saved…. For everyone, but for that one in particular…. They are all Your children: save them all.
Ecstasy 3
Thank Jesus for the humiliation of the doctor’s visit; she says she is ready for any sacrifice; she alone is sorry that Jesus was offended by her; she prays to him for the Confessor.
[Friday 8 September 1899, in the evening].
You won, Jesus, you won. You did well, you did well… But do you believe, Jesus, that I told him [the Monsignor]? I made this sacrifice for you: accept it, Jesus, I know nothing else but to offer you, Jesus; take this sacrifice, Jesus, accept it… You wanted it like this, Jesus: you are happy, I am happy too.
Jesus, you told me: you were right to do so; you told me, Jesus… You wanted it this way, your will be done. Never leave me for a moment… But if it was just [Monseigneur], you did whatever he wanted. Jesus, I accept anything.
You made me do it big. O Jesus, what did you ever want from me today! but for your love I did it, for your love.
But are you happy, Jesus? I am in your arms, Jesus. O Jesus, what on earth did you want from me today!
But do you think, Jesus, for your love I do something other than this! Do you want more, Jesus? Here I am, doing it all.
Do you think, Jesus, I’ll do something other than this, if you want me! I do everything, Jesus… If he was alone, he would have seen everything.
I had nothing, Jesus, to offer you: accept this sacrifice. Accept this, Jesus. You are right, Jesus, when you say that your Passion…
Yes, I tell you, Jesus; but do you see how they do it to you? They don’t believe me… O Jesus, you are here: you are enough for me… O Jesus, if they did it to me… but they do it to you..
Whatever [you ask me], do you want me not to ask you?
You wanted this from me: I knew it. You told me, but for fear that they would judge me badly, I didn’t want to come here with you; forgive me, Jesus? They also spoke badly of you: today I suffered.
But you, Jesus, love me more than before. O Jesus, do you therefore love me more than before? Then I’ll do nothing but this to you! You, Jesus, love me more than before, and I am happier than before.
O Jesus, you wanted it like this, it’s nothing that I will have to go through: whatever I do.
Jesus, do you love me more than before, and why? A small part of your Passion at a time; today you gave me a little more.
O Jesus, were you sorry that Monsignor did this? But I told him.
Jesus, but do you love me more than before, and why? I have done nothing for you… Oh, for your sake I would do anything but this!
O Jesus, you told me everything. If you hadn’t told me anything…
O Jesus, who thinks one and who thinks another…. I will tell him like this [to the Monsignor]: If he is alone, you do everything.
But you’re happier this way. Do you love me more now or before, when they thought I was a saint? Now, right?… He goes to console Monsignor, who is very dissatisfied.
. Yes, Jesus, but as long as he is alone, there is no one… Mind you, they want to show the writings to the doctor too: make sure it’s not true. O Jesus, they ridicule you. Do this, Jesus: if they want them, do as you did today… If they want to see the writings, show them the blank paper.
Jesus, I suffered so much today!… But is it really you, Jesus? You did well, Jesus, today. If I hadn’t had you, what would I do? Do not leave me.
You love me more now, huh, Jesus? and why? The others don’t want it from me anymore, you alone want it from me, Jesus: that’s enough for me. You, Jesus… [only I seek. I don’t care about the others.
At least, Jesus, persuade the Confessor alone. You know, Jesus, go to Monsignor and make him feel calm; because he already regretted it. You know, Jesus, come back, and you will see that he comes back alone… I will say this: If he comes back alone, you will do everything, and if not, nothing. Jesus, go and console Monsignor, Jesus… Today they have committed sins! Forgive them; if ever I’m here… Many, Jesus…
But if they think badly of me it’s nothing; but of you… Think of you, Jesus, of everyone; I don’t care about me, but about you. What a desire to suffer, Jesus! It’s enough for me to be all yours.
O Jesus! I suffered a lot. Jesus! Tell me, Jesus: is it really you?
I’m happy. That person said today that you are not. But assure me, Jesus; did he see anything?
Ah, my Jesus!… I don’t care, Jesus. But tell me, Jesus: is it really you?
Storms like today, Jesus?…
Console Monsignor, Jesus: he did nothing wrong to make sure of the doctor… Jesus, I thank you. He did well, let them think what they want, but assure me that it’s you.
Look at what you have done today.
But you must do your will and not mine. Today, Jesus, I had a little more of your Passion; I was too happy, everyone loved me.
Nobody believes me. What should I say to Monsignor? He will do like last time.
Ecstasy 4
With naive confidence he insistently asks Jesus to enlighten the Confessor (Cf. P. GERM. N. XI).
Tuesday 12 September 1899, [in the morning].
Jesus, please me… Listen, Jesus; now we know well if you are you: please the Confessor. If it were my head, I wouldn’t want it anymore: I would want to break it.
If you had done it to me… but to Monsignor…
I told you that I want it [this grace]. I have many graces later, Jesus, to ask you; if you do this to me, then you also do that to me… And then listen: if you don’t do this to me, I won’t answer you anymore; you feel like calling! It seems impossible to me… if you’re you, you’ll do it to me.. And then don’t play these jokes on me anymore; do them to me too, but especially to the Confessor… And then when you call me, I no longer listen to you… I don’t make much of a conversation… Listen to me: or have you always told me that any grace you were doing! If you are Jesus, you don’t tell lies. But if it’s you, you do certain things….
.. But I believe it; but you know who doesn’t believe it. Not for me, you know. because I’m better this way. They don’t believe it’s you, they think I’m crazy; but I’m not crazy, am I, Jesus?
Eh! I know, you told me last night too: who knows how many would have abandoned you if you hadn’t kept them crucified!
I thank you that for your love you keep me on the cross like this… I am truly on the cross!… Remember, Jesus, that I want it [this grace], because the later, the more they won’t put me in a convent.
You have done so much, Jesus, and I have done nothing for you.
Do you want me perfect? But help me; because I am good for nothing other than committing sins. Give me the grace, Jesus: and then you’ll see that I really get into it. Annetta also prayed a lot; you also said that you love him very much: please her. I absolutely want this grace. I want it, I want it… and don’t tell me no, because it will end badly. But if you do it to me… I’m sure of it. And then they love you more too; because they say: How good is Jesus!
Can we stay like this?… Mind you, it doesn’t worry me anymore…
It was impossible that you didn’t want to do it to me. You see, for this one they go after all the others. What happiness you give me! But I, Jesus, should ask you nothing but pain, but please me, Jesus, and then you will see how I want to please you. I annoyed you a lot; I, on the other hand, don’t ask you for anything anymore until you have granted me this grace. If not, I’m always serious with you.
I’m not asking it for myself, I’m asking it for the Confessor; you, Jesus, also see inside. With you I want to be serious, with you; do you know when I laugh with you again? When you gave me grace. And then even when you call me, I don’t answer. You want to pull me, I couldn’t resist you; but now don’t make any more excuses for me; take care of it, please me, Jesus, because I want to do everything to please you..
My angel, now when I stop praying, you pray.
So will it stay like this? Please me, please me: you know who I want to please. So, Jesus, I accept all the crosses you send me. I’m not asking you for this grace to stop suffering, no. Make all things known to the Confessor; if not, I won’t laugh anymore, come, with you: I’m always serious, I don’t hug you…
Ecstasy 5
Returning to the topic of the previous ecstasy, she asks Jesus for the grace to enlighten the Confessor and allow her to enter the convent. He insists with holy confidence that Jesus makes himself well known and shows things clearly (Cf. P. GERM. Nos. VI and XI).
[Tuesday] 12th [September 1899], in the afternoon.
What a wonderful time we spend together! I too want to drink from that same cup that you have put to your lips. I thank you, Jesus, for keeping me on the cross like this.
And I want it, Jesus [this grace]; if you don’t do it for me out of love, you will do it for me by force. I waited a long time. Do it, ah! Play these jokes on me alone, don’t play them on others too. I know, Jesus, that you allowed this to happen, but think about it: things are not going well.
What are you laughing at, Jesus? Are you having fun?… Laugh when you want, but I don’t want to [laugh]… Laugh, laugh, but do you know when I laugh at you?… When you gave me this grace.
I’m happy too, because you love me, but… O Jesus, you willingly have fun with Gemma; I don’t like it at all, so just have fun.
You gave me so many…
Oh, if I want her!… It’s useless… And I want her healthy, you know; you had a lot of fun. You always ask me if I love you… You have to think about me, because I…
How quickly you did, Jesus! Who taught you to change so quickly?… You have changed, and you reciprocate; otherwise I don’t love you anymore.
Oh, do you enjoy yourself so willingly with me?… When I’m alone, have fun, because I’m happy; but not when the Confessor is there… When you say to me: «Gemma, do you love me?», I say «no». You have given me many graces, and then you don’t give me the most necessary one? Do you laugh and have fun? Remember that I want it. Can you give me this consolation?
What a beautiful thing to see you in sorrows and this poor daughter of yours in consolations!… Make sure that my life is more burdensome than yours; but give me the strength.
But if you see it, Jesus: if you stretch me like this, I cannot serve and love you as I would like; and I am in the world and I commit sins… At least, Jesus, if I suffer, only you see it; others see from the outside, and you see from the inside.
When I’ve annoyed you and you’re tired, then tell me: “Yes, I’ll do it for you.”
What a beautiful day, Jesus! May my sufferings increase… Do you think I ask you these things so as not to suffer? But if I had to stay in the world for a moment without suffering, I would say to you: Let me die now. You laugh, Jesus, but I don’t laugh; I won’t laugh at you again until Saturday. Saturday, if you do me the favor, I’ll hug you tight and I’ll never let you go again. I say grace, but it’s not a grace: not bigger. could this sacrifice be…
The further you go, the more similar I am to you. Who knows, if you hadn’t kept me crucified like this, how many times I would have abandoned you!
I won’t even answer you anymore… but why are you laughing? You had a lot of fun; but I don’t answer you anymore, I don’t call you anymore.
I’m waiting for you, Jesus: I want it, I absolutely want it. Listen, Jesus: if it’s you, you give it to me: Jesus doesn’t deny anything to anyone… You give the Confessor the grace, but it’s a sacrifice. I need to stay there… but you think about it. If they do more than they have to do, punish them… The doctor is also good; you told me. You made a bad joke…
But it seemed impossible to me that you wouldn’t grant me the favor; but I won’t bother you anymore, Jesus. I have many things, but now I won’t talk to you about anything else. Good boy! You do so much for me, and I do nothing. I’m not alone in thanking you. I desire it very much, but the Confessor desires it more.
What do you want, Jesus…? I don’t look at you, I don’t laugh at you until Saturday: you promised me…. You take care of the Confessor as he should do… I say, I say, but no one believes me… Be careful, Jesus: if I commit sins , let me know immediately. How am I, Jesus. Sincere, obedient?…
But when they then know that it’s you… You know better than me how many have emerged. Let me know better if you are you. I’ll see him on Friday.
I would also like something else, you know; Now I don’t want to say this thing here. I wouldn’t want to tell Fr. Gaetano, because he’s sorry… You know how much concern he had, and then I wouldn’t want him to be deceived like M. [= Monsignor]; and you know it at the Provincial. I don’t want anything other than clear things.
He waits for the answer [the Provincial], but I don’t tell him anything.
I’ll tell him on Saturday…
I’m going to give that displeasure to him too [= to Fr. Gaetano]… It seems like a small thing to you, Jesus, but you only knew how bad I am!… Because to him [= to the Provincial] yes, to this ‘no others?
But when [Father Gaetano] knows that it is you, Jesus…
So on Saturday I give that young man’s response to the Provincial; if not, no. You made him go away so happy….
But if you make things clear, there is no need to even give him [Fr Gaetano] this displeasure.
But when they know that it is you, what consolation will it be for me! Be careful, Jesus, you give it to me on Friday, otherwise it will end badly.
Say yes, come on; you have to say: Yes, I’ll do it.
Are you really doing it to me? Don’t look at my merit; look at the merit of those who ask you. I’m not alone: there are many who ask you this.
O Jesus, to that poor friar [= Fr. Gaetano] who cared so much…