“I am a mercy-giver because my life has been a gift”
Article by Fr. Vito Vacca, fidei donum of the diocese of Rome in Palestine, Jordan and Qatar returned after the pandemic
Reversing the idea that we are the good ones and the good ones, we tell in this column when we have been “merciful”
For only by discovering love can we return it. In fact, in addition to doing the works of mercy, we must learn to receive and acknowledge them
(by Fr. Vito Vacca)
Having passed the age of 80, the question arises for me: how do I want to live out the rest of my days?
The first thought is that the “rest of my days” could be very short, and anyway I have to make some decisions for an indefinite time. I could choose to retire to my father’s house surrounded by a beautiful park of all kinds of trees … Or a home also equipped for the elderly that offers security as well for any care I might need.
One thing is clear to me: living to be well and comfortably
“enjoying well-deserved rest and retirement” does not satisfy me.
I see it as a temptation, “I’m fine, thank you! I have assured housing, I can still perform some services, and I don’t miss anything: I can still walk around, read and watch interesting programs, take trips to places I feel nostalgic about.”
It is not the temptation of a comfortable bourgeois life, or of worldly desires, which I know would get me nowhere, but of a quiet life where there is room for some security.
This would not be a bad desire, but I realize that time is passing and old age is advancing and I have little time left. I might get sick and die soon, and I wonder:
What would be the point of spending a few years of tranquility with the sole purpose of getting well?
No, it is not the end of a missionary’s life!
The only idea that makes sense to me is to stay on the breach in full service until the end: to remain available to do not what I like but what is asked of me until the very end.
After all, I have always experienced that the choices left to the Lord are the best in every way!
This would be more in keeping with my past life which has been – I am convinced –
one of the most beautiful lives,
with its difficulties but especially with the incomparable graces I have undeservedly received.
I could happily say with old Simeon, “Now let your servant go in peace, O Lord, according to your word,” grateful for the way my life 
has turned out.
I remember with gratitude the years spent as a teacher in Palestinian schools, the assistance to poor people or those in need and manual labor where there was need, the small cooperatives I was able to form for those who needed work, the construction of needed premises for communities and soccer fields for schools and youth, catechesis and spiritual activities for local communities and multicultural immigrant communities.
I have led parishes in Italy, Palestine, Jordan and Qatar and accomplished itinerant missions throughout the Middle East.
After 10 years as a parish priest in Rome and the construction of the church and parish environments, I left again abroad as a “Fidei Donum” to Palestine, Jordan and the Gulf countries. More unforgettable years and new unexpected experiences followed.
The various stages of my mission were not a gift that I wanted to give
but a gift that was given to me.
Jesus’ promise of a hundredfold was fulfilled even from the physical point of view: I always had necessities and splendid moments, enjoyed good health and did not need diets and gyms, certain comforts and needs that for many people become indispensable …
Having gone on a mission trip allowed me to speak languages and meet peoples, to become a citizen of the world and learn that at the center of everything is the person: beyond races and cultures, homelands and artificial borders, social classes and religions.
Just when so many friends tell me that I have done enough and can now deservedly rest easier and enjoy proper rest, I wonder:
can the proclamation of the gospel be a time service
and could I retire as if I had been practicing a trade?
How could I retire to rest when my whole life has been about “where the need is greatest”?
It is true that in reality many things I did not do with purity of spirit but to please myself, or to have the appreciation and esteem of others, to fulfill a moral duty or to have merit, but nevertheless mine has been a full life.
In recent years, the missionary experience has allowed me to live in a way that is still active and creative, and I have to thank the Lord for the beautiful areas of evangelization He has given me.
I do not need to receive thanks from anyone, but to thank everyone because everyone has been a gift to me. Above all I need to thank the Lord convinced that without Him I could not have done anything.
For all that, I almost feel a revulsion to “be a retiree,” even though, as they say, it would be more than legitimate and proper. But what is the point of retiring after a lifetime of mission?
Much less do I feel like listening to the voice of “lay teachers of life” who tell me, “resign! Life is the evolution of material elements that follow one another in this universe with no end and no finish line. Be content to enjoy a moment of this life of yours because it flees fast and there is nothing you can do about it. Resign yourself: your knowledge, the affections you have cultivated and the actions you have performed are a breath without a future. You will be no more and your past has been an accident.”
This would not be reasonable! It is not reasonable to ignore a God who has given me such a full and rich life, and who I believe will make as real a future of eternal present as his. Every man’s self is part of a God who has designed for him a relationship of eternal love and happiness. My life will be enlightened rather than annulled, it will be judged and purified, and my person will subsist because it is created by Someone I can meet in an embrace of full happiness.
What would weigh so heavily on me, on the other hand, would be to find myself unable to make myself useful and needing to be the caregiver. Being on the other side, the side of those in need, is more difficult than being on the side of those who help.
Accepting illness and weakness, letting others help you
would perhaps be the greatest challenge and mission.
But I don’t know if I would be able to live it as a gift. I have done many things, but I know very well that the important thing is not the doing, but the humility and love with which it is done. I have often sought only myself even in doing good, proud that I can do it, and God knows I need a path of descent and purification of heart.
There is something I consider more important than anything today: I realize that life passes, and there is nothing left but God before me. In a few years I may no longer be able to be well, to be useful, and then the time will come to leave everything behind. Will I enter the banquet of the Kingdom of God?
I am a miracle worker for having a life of dedication,
I am a mercy-giver
because my life has been a gift and because I have been forgiven for appropriating it.
I consider myself blessed because in the places of my mission the mercy of Jesus appeared to me,
a fulfilled and humanized man, who traced out for me the path of life.
But life does not end with retirement: it may require even more faith and courage, more dedication and purer offering. And it may be even more precious.
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- Photo by pixabay (pexels)